First and foremost, I can only speak for myself in every way. After my break up with my ex, anybody, especially a man who approached me in a way that made me feel like I could not be myself I cut off. Relationships lasted two weeks because of it. I think about how many times people questioned my approach to everything and wondered could they be right about somethings. For years I was molded to be the kind of girl my ex needed me to be so honestly I didn't know myself but I knew I was tired of a man telling me who I was. I think about how I've been so unapologetically myself, not thinking about any consequences and ready to live with whatever comes with any decision. I was just being myself, but was it in the worst way? My motto was to embrace the progress in every way; if you have to curse, curse, if you have to cry, cry. I was learning the same lesson over and over, I was choosing the same type of guy over and over. Truth is I was being myself, but I was a train wreck.
Me being myself was a cycle of bad habits, distorted thoughts, and overall distrust for everyone around me. Truth is I wasn't being myself, I was in survival mode, doing whatever it takes to get through. You genuinely being yourself will bring a lot of peace and acceptance. What we think of ourselves manifest in our life, it can be who we are in its entirety, but it doesn't mean its the best version of ourselves.
I wanted the world to accept me for who I am, but it was costing me my peace. It is a rookie mistake to believe the world is going to adjust to you, you must be adaptive and resilient. Has your flaky behavior ruined relationships? Has "keeping it real" made friends distant from you? Does being yourself mean overexertion of negative energy? Who wants to be around that all day? If you continue to receive negative feedback from behavior that you do not change, how can you truly be upset? Has your naivety allowed you to be played over and over by someone you're interested in? Are you hoping for things you do not actively pursue? Everything about you should be strategic for your vision, How you dress, how you act, who you give your time to. Present yourself as a clown, and they'll think it's a circus. Who do you want to be? I know I want to be a reflection of my vision.
The mess that you are in maybe comfortable, but you'll never get where you are going unless you stand up and walk away.
Essential factors when it comes to being yourself:
Being yourself and valuing yourself are two different things.
You have to know yourself to be yourself .
How can you emulate somebody you don't know? If you don't know yourself, how can you truly be yourself? You must be self-aware and willing to hold yourself accountable for the role you play in your own life. I'm sure many of us, including myself, continued to pursue toxic relationships after knowing everything we needed to know about a particular individual. We must hold ourselves accountable for what we allowed. After someone shows you who they are and you continue to pursue, you're no longer a victim of circumstance you are someone who made a choice. The partner you choose is a reflection of knowing yourself and loving yourself. Just because your first instinct is to respond in a negative manner or the God honest best way you know how does not mean it's in your best interest. You must value yourself enough to know which behaviors within yourself are benefiting you or are detrimental to you. Once you reach self-actualization, you can truly be yourself. You have to know yourself enough to know where something will take you mentally and value yourself enough to set boundaries.
When I became aware of my own faults, I whispered to God: " Lord if my ways are detrimental to me, transform me." You must have faith this is possible, you must be doubtless, and you must work towards it.
With love,
Tammy Jr.
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