Be mindful of where your own thoughts take you. One of my favorite bible verses:
Be very careful about what you think, Your thoughts run your life- Proverbs 4:23 (NCV)
I am a natural over-thinker so I can plan out my dreams or go to a very dark place very easily. When my depression was untreated my thoughts would take me so many places. I spent a lot of time trying to be loved by a specific person and after I did everything I could and it still wasn't enough I questioned everything about myself. I wasn't feeling like myself, I didn't like myself, I felt hollow in the inside, like nothing. I spent so much time in my thoughts I believed them. I believed I was to blame for the pain inflicted upon me, that everything that happened was on me. No matter how much family and friends told me otherwise, it did not matter, the voice in my head, my own voice, overpowered everyone.
My thoughts have taken me places I never thought I would be, I swear, looking my demons right in the face. I had to scream out to them " you cannot have me!" Only a person whose been there would know exactly where I was at that moment. Beyond the very dark places, you can go, let's go light with it, to the places they go that cause strains in relationships, friendships, business, and personal ambitions.
Trauma changes you, it has the power to change your whole thought processes. You can take your childhood and past relationships with you everywhere you go. As a matter of fact, your thought processes can take you to familiar places, places you have been trying to escape from for years. If you do not put the work in or heal, the same storyline will continue.
Another important point to make is that your gut feelings may be biased. They are often built on past experiences that increase your chances of believing something without any clear indication of it. If you want to see something God will show you, ask him. Once God shows you, when you see a similar pattern then you can trust your gut. But when you go off your own gut feelings you begin to assume and insinuate your thoughts will take you to places that do not exist. Your thoughts turn into insecurities and have you questioning everything and even yourself.
The concept is called a cognitive distortion, in which your mind convinces you of something that is not true. These inaccurate thoughts produce irrational negative emotions. Some typical cognitive distortions we experience include:
Mental filtering, when an individual only holds on to negative aspects of something and dwells on it. You can tell them a million things that are great about them but the one bad thing you say they cannot get past. It darkens their entire reality.
Polarized, thinking that everything is black and white or all or nothing. I have been guilty of this myself, it wasn't until I first saw a therapist that I realized things are way more complex and you have to be able to live with grey areas sometimes.
Overgeneralization, coming to a general conclusion about future events based on the outcome of a single incident. You had one bad relationship and you determined that will be the outcome of every relationship, you have now deemed this a pattern in your life.
Jumping to conclusions, no worries this person already knows that your feeling or thinking, no need to even discuss it lol. But seriously, if this is you, you already know how somebody is feeling about you without even confronting them. And you must know, you can be completely wrong.
Personalization, when an individual takes absolutely everything anybody else does personal. You believe people are reacting to you directly, for example, nobody had a good time because of you and you have done nothing. Also, when you let these thoughts overwhelm you, you will find yourself in a mental competition with everyone around you trying to determine who's the most successful or the best looking.
Always being right, this individual will go through great lengths to prove they are right. Being right is more important than the feelings of others. Like some people say, you want to be right or you want to be in a relationship?
Control fallacies, the two extremes, everything is either completely out of your control or everything is. You can believe that are you are completely responsible for this next person's unhappiness when in fact happiness is produced internally. Or you can believe that you are always a victim of fate, you play no role in your own life.
Blaming, this a sister of the control fallacy, everybody else is responsible for your own emotional pain or you are completely the blame for everything that happens to you. You must remember you are always in control of your emotional reactions.
Emotional reasoning, you feel a certain way so it must be true. An easy example, If you feel stupid, you are in fact stupid. As I stated before inaccurate thoughts produce irrational reasoning. These are those gut feelings the ones that have you up at night believing in something that is not there.
There are more cognitive distortions but the main point is to be careful with your thoughts. Challenge them when needed to, go see a therapist, say them out loud to yourself or someone else. For me, my therapist helps me navigate through my own distorted thoughts. Homegirl literally is like, "Your thought process is flawed."It going to take you putting yourself in charge of your emotions and taking the driver seat. It's not an easy thing to do but I cannot stress this enough, remember where you healed from when those thoughts return. Things can become so much clearer if you confront who needs to be confronted, tell those negative thoughts you cannot house them, and be open to new ideas and perspectives.
Take Care,
Tammy Jr.
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