Yup, that ex.
Very recently I spoke to that ex about something really insignificant at this point but it has been about two years since we were in any form of communication.
After the conversation the first thing that came to my mind is... I still love that man.
But wait, please hear me out.
I think it is important for me to know that I can still love somebody with who being in a relationship with is not sustainable. A version of me at some point was in love with him and I am no longer that person, but that person still lives in me. We made our own definition of love at such a young age and it was complete bullshit but it doesn't mean it wasn't a form of love. I will always have a love for him but it only extends to respect now.
Some things are to be acknowledged not a call to action. You can love somebody and the relationship still does not work. Love is too fickle sometimes and it's not enough. Just because you love somebody everything in your being can feel like it's God's plan for your life but God may have another path for you. Love does not respect logic so you can very much so love someone that is not good for your health or somebody you cannot grow with. I do not know him now but I had to rebuild every part of me he broke back then, and guess what? Still got love for the man, nothing to be pursued, it just is what it is.
Maturity and self-actualization are about being able to come to terms with the ending of certain relationships and truly enjoying the season a person had in your life. And understand when you're in a season versus being in a cycle. Cycles are choices we continue to make instead of dealing with our shit, being disciplined, or being doubtless in our vision. When we don't close out the season we hold on to a familiar dysfunctional cycle. Break the cycle. Eradicate yourself from blame for who you were and who you loved when you didn’t love yourself. When you love yourself there are people you cannot simply give love to because they cannot give it back in the way you need to be loved. They were of that season, and you must let go of anything that caps your growth. Love can withstand time, heartache, dysfunction, tragedy, just about anything, but true love only thrives in the best setting. There was a time in my life where I was supposed to be loving him with everything in my being, that was a season I had to see through and it made me everything I am today. I love myself even more because I once was in love with him and I love him for that.
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