A text I sent to my friend Candice:
I feel like I'm in desperate need of love, love i cannot give myself, love that cant be replaced with self-care, love that comes from when a person decides to love you. No matter how much they tell you otherwise, there is nothing like that shit.
I do not believe the desire for this is a betrayal to yourself. You can love yourself wholeheartedly and still want love from someone else.
We were not made to be alone, the desire of companionship is human nature. In the book of Genesis God stated " it is not good for man to be alone..--" It is written from the beginning of time that people should posses relationships with other people. It is not an unnatural feeling and it does not make you weak.
Candice's Response:
I think I’m experiencing this now. Not loneliness the fact of wanting love from an outside source, love from someone deciding to love me yes. Nice, healthy love. The shit is like a unicorn. I’ve only ever felt loneliness in short spurts. I don’t think it’s desperation, it may feel like it but it doesn’t look like desperation. That type of love is gained only with patience. You’re not desperate cause it’ll never be just anyone with you it’ll be calibrated fine tuned just right for you.
To me, I was desperate. My loneliness had turned into desperation, I had sold my soul for companionship and the only demon i needed to fight off was the one looking back at me in the mirror.
After 4 years of being single I experienced loneliness and desperation and it is for sure a bull shit ass experience lol. I slept with someone I knew was engaged, for whom i found out was engaged weeks after we had slept together before.
Imagine being without love for so long you sell your soul to be lifted off the sadness of reality even if it's for a moment. The weight filled my legs as i stepped out the car. It was time for each of us to go home, clothes exuding of each other's pheromones. He will go home and kiss on her forehead with lips that were just mine, a body that was just mine, but a heart i'd never posses.
Can I be raw and vulnerable for a moment?
It's easy for me to believe that i'm never enough, i've watched every man i gave my heart to give it someone else. That shit does something to you. And the more i try to pull myself out of the quicksand my experiences have put me through, when i try to soften up, i start to experience loneliness. Having all of this love and no one to give it to.
I went to my therapist about this very issue and she asked me," How do you separate loneliness from desperation?"
I had no response for her at that moment but as I pondered over this for the past week I realized that you must master self-love before you decide to seek love from someone else. It’s about loving yourself enough desperate enough for companionship.
I think it is also important to understand that timing is everything. We may desire many things that it is simply not the time for. As Candice was stating that kind of love requires patience. Love is truly a process, things must be at the right time and in the perfect environment to cultivate.
I said all that to say this, it is perfectly normal to desire love from someone else, it is human nature.What is most important is to not sell yourself short to fulfill that need.
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