First, let me formally introduce myself. Im Tammy Jr, if you know my mother you know why. I'm currently twenty-fine and a complete girl-boss. It is important to know I'm multifaceted, I'm always somewhere in between Michelle Obama and JT, no more no less.
The root of this blog started in June 2016 when my world was shattered. I was in the middle of my master's program at Columbia, and my on-and-off boyfriend decided to end it for good abruptly. Should we have been done years ago? Yes, it was complete bullshit, but it was my bullshit. This had to be the first time I asked myself was the vision I had for myself wrong. ( side note: this so therapeutic for me, this will be the last time you will hear about him. ) I had plans to graduate, get married, and have my first child before I went to back to school for my Ph.D. I'm almost sure God is laughing at that plan right now. Either way, I was physically sick, I cried at least once every day for a year straight, I went to therapy, and I poured enough wine to push through. I thought the vision changed, but perhaps I saw it clearer for the first time, there's no way his ass could have ever fit in the vision of my future. Is what it is, is what it ain't. I will not say I am completely healed, but I am in a way better place, and I know for sure after what I've been through; it's only up from here.
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May 2017, I graduated from the prestigious Columbia University. I paid for that name to be attached to mine. My career is a sure thing at the point, right? Can we say not one job offer? How about not getting accepted into any doctoral program I applied for? NOT ONE. (Side note I was for sure the guy and me I was dealing with at the time was going to go legit, but that's another horror story for another time.) With nothing to move me anywhere else, it was time to go home. I moved back in with my parents and lived off my savings until they ran out. I kid you not I probably filled out over 500 applications all summer. When I look back at it, I was not ready to be away from home again. I needed to take a break, heal, deal with my demons. To be honest, I was still battling depression, crying regularly, just a whole mess. I questioned my entire degree, with all that rejection weighing on my chest, I questioned my entire being. What was my purpose? Did I get the vision wrong? From September 2017 to August 2018 I jumped from jobs that did not give a damn about my credentials, so humbling I swear lol. I know you're probably thinking I've got to be using my degree now, but I'm not, I hope to get there along the way with this blog.
January 2018, I decided I was no longer doing vision boards, in my mind, I had the vision all wrong, and I was going to wait on God's to see more clearly. In February 2018, I stumbled upon this book referenced in my bible app. Wait and See Finding Peace in God's Pauses and Plans by Wendy Pope. This book helps you come to terms with your timing versus God's timing. To be honest, has God's vision for your life ever had a date on it? You just see and do whatever you can to make it happen. The book focuses a lot on King David, he was told he would be king, but it did not manifest until 15 years later. Can you currently stomach that timeframe for your dreams? Whew! This book changed my perspective on everything.
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Jan 2019- I ended up at a vision board party. The keynote speaker wrapped up her speech with " the vision you have for your life must be doubtless." I wrote those words down over and over. At that exact moment, I knew what needed to be done, I needed to keep running, and I also needed to start this blog. Of course, months passed, and I needed a push from The Christian Bae, but here we are.
Seeing your vision early can cause a lot of turmoil, in today's instant gratification world, I wanted my vision to manifest like yesterday. I was so focused on the end goal; the present became a blur, and every "no" to things I considered imperative to manifesting my vision became more and more discouraging. I had to learn I did not get the vision wrong, my perspective was wrong, hell my timing definitely was wrong, but the vision remains the same.
There's work to be done in my own life and if the title brought you here probably in yours.
Best,
TammyJr.
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